Since today evening i  have been feeling extremely low, I didn’t know whom to share it with.I have not been able to cry out loud and take it out as I don’t get the time and space to be all by myself.There are thousands of thoughts going through my mind today.My mind has become a mesh of hesternal and hodiernal thoughts and memories .Emotionally and Psychologically …there are two forces acting …one is pulling down and other is lifting up. Helplessness is tearing me down and at the same time motivating me to do something and overcome at least some part of it.
 
I cant imagine Beta Bhiya dead…So i want to assume that he is gone some where far.My mind is not ready to accept this fact…no matter how much i try to console my self …i just cant and to be frank I don’t want to. He will stay alive in our hearts and memories.I am going to take the print of every mail he has written to me. I want to save every memory I have of him.
 
His smile and his habit of making that unusual grunt.He would call us darling and sweet heart all the time.He would always try to crack some joke and try to make the situation humorous.I remember him in his lemon yellow shirt and black trousers and that turquoise tee-shirt which he used to wear at home. He was a stalworth in true sense .His thin lean body and that Aum with so many stones in his chain.His wardrobe…Oh! my God.How will pupli didi live with it.Every one will move on .It is she who will suffer.I feel terribly sorry for her.
 
 Losing such a precious soul is a big loss not only to this family but to this world.He had such a depth in him and the glow on his forehead reflected his spirituality and his connection with almighty.Every one will have his or her own point of view about this unwanted event, but the bottom line is that this is life.You sit and see the parts of life like isles just wasting away but the fate ties your hands and and you are helplessly watching destiny nibbling voraciously at life.Our prayers didn’t do him any good.His life was still abruptly truncated  leaving his soul unsatisfied and burdened with responsibilities and the yearning to be there for his kith and kins and to spend some more days with his beloved wife.This immense pain which he endured for so long even did not dehort him from willing to live.He fought illness but couldn’t fight death and destiny.I was wondering if he had this much life only?
 
We never anticipate such tragedies to struck some one we love so dearly and don’t even want to contemplate any signs of bad going to happen to them.How does the cycle of good and bad fit in those circumstances? If you have had enough of bad going on in your life you previse good times to come .How can the good be complete with so much sorrow and a void which can never be filled.
 
I am going to take strength from this and I would request everyone including pupli didi and Shehjar to that too.Till the time Shehjar and keshav will not settle well in their lives .He will not be able to rest in Peace.So all of us have to move towards that direction.Pupli didi has to be very strong irrespective of anything and we have to support her in any way possible.I have sacrificed so much just because I take responsibility for what I signed up for . Not been able to meet Beta Bhiya at least ones is one such sacrifice with which I will live forever …and probably on my death bed ask for forgiveness and peace.
 

I love to write because I find it hard to express it otherwise. I have had a rough patches in my life as any other human being but now I am tired .I am tired of doing what I am being told to do and what I am being told is right. I have a soul of my own and I know it is always right.Then why do I need someone else to tell me what I should and what i should not.I am not so strong as I thought I was . I am weak and always have been .I am scared to face consequences .I am scared to put my foot down and say , “hey stop pushing me ,its my decision and i have to make it “.These days I have become more lazy and am running away from things.Just want to close my eyes and sleep over it as if am waiting for the day when the morning will bring me hope and desire to live and enjoy life . I feel dead from inside especially because I have no one to talk to .No vent at all .I thought that marriage will bring and end to the uncertanities of life and i will have some one to confide in and express my self to .I lived in my little fairytale of sleeping beauty because I truly believed that there was this 1 man I have to enjoy my entire life with .I did not open my eyes before . I am a simple person and keep my self away from the evil of gossips and unwanted exchange of who said what and am never bothered about any body’s business .I hate to talk about others and never expect any thing from any body .I have always cherished what any body has done for me and have got this desire to return back ,what I get .It holds true for my parents too but I guess all this is not applicable in this world .People think you are insane .They expect you to be diplomatic .Simplicity is a curse .People say actions are stronger than words but I say that the thought is the e . Actions follow .If your actions are right and your thought is not .It really does not count how much good you do .I know that my soul is pure and conscience is clear and i have not to be afraid of any body and also do not need any ones certificate to prove that because my God will stand by me as always . 

Hi every body,

I have been thinking through out  my life about what I am supposed to do , What is my purpose of life ?Today I realise that ,  I get happiness by helping people walk out of their misery .It sometimes takes just a small talk for someone to turn around his life and i can be someone who has a potential to do that .I know that I am a leader from with in because I do not follow conventions and I question every thing which has been preexisting .This proves that I can be a change agent for so many people. These days no one has got time to listen . But I think I can be a good listener too . So any body having unnecessary chaos and tension or questions can ask me .I will try my level best to answer your question and help you .I get all my answers from with in as i let my soul speak to me  . But approach me only if you know that you have a pure soul inside you . I would not like to entertain any stupid questions as this in the beginning of my path to know myself.

People who are blind towards themselves are generally insecure. They think that the whole world has ganged up to make a fool out of them. Especially the People with power of position and money suffer from this kind problem .They may have a lot of knowledge about the world but they close themselves and do not let that knowledge seep in to their soul and corelate with their existance. They generally live in an illusion that they can manupulate any situation and can change the lives of people .They have no faith at all .They try to impress and influence others with their knowledge and power but they forget that their actions do not generally express their thoughts.The influence they have is generally very negative. They assume a lot of things about themselves and others and most of the time the assumptions about themselves is positive and about others is negative .They live with suspision and never come out of it .That suspision slowly becomes thier second nature.This nature of theirs does not allow them to trust any body, not even the closest ones .

People say that you should not trust any one .Is this kind of thinking right? What is this doing to the human race and to the society as a whole ? I bet no one would have thought about it. The more we do not trust others , the more we isolate ourselves , the more we close ourselves .We become sceptical and make others uncomfortable. The relationships become superficial . Can any one be open and truthful if he knows that he will be judged with suspision? The answer to this question is “NO”.

We say that day by day people are becoming lonely.Why? It is because, we dont trust any one any more. I dont know where is this lack of trust and more of suspision&negativity is going to take us but one thing is for sure, the picture of future will have less of smiles, happiness and hope and more of broken relationships and lonelyness because all that a person wants is to be accepted and not judged with an eye of suspision. 

I always believed that I could write well and express myself, more in words…I wrote a lot of goods stuff ….usually poems and my expression of thoughts was also good enough to catch the attention of others .I waited this long so that my thought process would mature with time and experience and i would become a writer one day .I know I have to work a lot to be writing professionally, but dont know where to start . There was a time when things used to bother me and i was inquisitive and wanted to have a point of view as far as various issues were concerned . Now I just feel that all that is a waste of time and energy .I had a zeal to change this world and now i feel that I too am one of tiny ants working with out any reason .I dont understand this clash of thoughts were all that is around me seems to be meaningless and at the same time important .I need to know how i start writing a book of my own which would have all my thoughts .I have got a lot, stored in my head but dont know a way to consolidate it and put it in perspective .I need to know the reason , why am i here today.

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!